amalthya: (whingah)
There comes a point in the holiday season where you just break. I'm reminded of that Family Guy where Lois goes insane and starts telling people to shove things up their Holly Jolly butts.

It really doesn't help that everything is coinciding with the end of school, my period and what should typically be a happy time.

But I'm finding myself disillusioned. I spent so much time being away from my friends that I now find myself disconnected. And I separated myself from them in order to do better in school, which clearly was a bust.

I'm getting penalized spitefully by a particular teacher, despite my A+ presentation, he is refusing to rectify the shitty grade he gave me and I've had this goddamned French bullshit hanging over my head all semester.

I was so ready to reconnect, but it seems like everyone is missing. I criticized Fred for having such a low opinion of people, but I'm not sure why I defended them. I feel like most people have such serious strings attached to their friendships, and I'm just in no mood to even keep trying to maintain them. If they want to ditch me once I'm not giving them what they want/expect of me, then fuck them.


Additionally, I tried to hold another Secret Santa this year at Montien because last year had been so easy and fun and everyone seemed to enjoy it. But most people didn't respond, so I just cancelled it. And I'm thinking of not even going tomorrow night. I don't have the energy, honestly. If people don't want to celebrate, fuck them too.

Apologies to people who didn't incite my vitriol and are having to read it anyway.

I am feeling slightly better during the past hour when I discovered that one of my Christmas presents from Adam is a squishable penguin.

I'm also excited for the EBHS Christmas party tonight. I'm going to enjoy the night and go home and finish everything else up tonight and tomorrow during the day.

I'm thinking of just bailing on Montien tomorrow and going down to Maryland for some R&R. It may mean missing Friday night plans but I'm just feeling so unsure.

And did I mention shitty? I need to go lie down.
amalthya: (bad day)
Wednesday 11:41 pm

Last night at the Chateau Chimpanzee, I wasn't sure why, but I lay in my bed and I cried. I'd been having such a good week, well, at least Sunday was good, but I found myself so suddenly annoyed and upset and lonely and unhappy.

Yes, okay, I was also hormonal -- another reminder that I've been here for more than 2 months... but I think now, in retrospect, that I was somehow tuned in to what a bad day today would be.

It started off alright, and I went and played with the chimpanzees while I tried the iPhoto Library restore that had been suggested in [livejournal.com profile] macosx.

I came back, and it had finally finished. I opened up iPhoto and it told me I had only 4,667 photos.

Uuuh.. what? I'd previously had 9-thousand something.

So I check... and the latest DATE showing is JULY 1st, 2005.

Uhhh... again, whhhat!?

I manually open the iPhoto Library folder and drag the stuff I want into iPhoto, and it gives me some weird error.

I open one of the subfolders, and as I open it, I notice photos disappearing. Like, I can see it happening.

I start to panic, but am somewhat reassured that, right after my iPhoto library died, I backed everything up to my external harddrive that I got for Christmas.

I look to the side of my bed for the harddrive and it's not there. I look a few more places, and well, I still can't find it.

The short story is that I can't find it. There are only a few explanations to this conundrum:

  1. Although I can't remember doing it, I brought it with me to Gisenyi on Sunday, put it into my basket and it got stolen as I walked there. Of course, if I *did* bring it, it would have been deep in my big basket and someone would have had to dig in there to find it, something I think I would have felt...

    Additionally, I carried the bag with two arms in front of me for the last 3-4ths of the walk because it was damned heavy and my arms were getting tired holding it just by the handles. So, it could have only been stolen at the first roundabout.

  2. I brought it with me to Gisenyi and left it in the hotel? I always check my stuff before I leave, I didn't see it, and I can't imagine doing this either. I'll check with the hotel regardless.

  3. I left it here and someone stole it, even though my room is locked, I have the only keys and they were with me.

  4. It's actually here, although I have looked on every surface, every shelf, taken my bed apart, moved everything and checked everywhere.

  5. I'd left it by the door and the chimpanzees reached under it and snatched it.

  6. The boogeyman is trying to RUIN my life.


I'll admit that it's so lame and pathetic but I cried and hyperventilated. Essentially it means that every photo I've ever taken in Africa is (sort of) gone. Of course, all my Flickr pictures are there, but to be honest, they were only maybe 30% of the photos I took each week.

Additionally, all of the photos that were taken during July -- the goodbye bowling, the going-away party -- they're all gone too.

The kicker? The thumbnails are all still there. I still have the high-res version of the life poster, so I could get those photos. Along with the prints I've had already made. But I have these little 180 x 240 mini-sized memories of the last 9 months of my life. Which really just isn't acceptable.

What's so frustrating is that I don't remember taking the hard drive with me. Like, I never take it anywhere because I keep it and the computer separated in case someone were to steal the computer. I might have taken it BECAUSE of the iPhoto library problem and because I might have thought I'd need the backup.

I really want to believe the drive is somewhere here, or at the hotel, and that it's not just a totally absolutely hopeless cause. Not only was the drive (I'm sure) expensive, but the photos on it are irreplaceable. I'm also frustrated because I specifically asked in the [livejournal.com profile] macosx community if doing an iPhoto library restore would put the photos in the folder currently at risk. They told me IT WOULD BE OKAY. Why didn't iPhoto take the 2005-2006 photos? You've got me. It certainly leads me to believe that perhaps #6 is not such a ridiculous option -- I mean, who but the boogeyman could be this spiteful?

Especially since before I came to Entebbe I wouldn't have even filtered albums before uploading them, cause I was just zipping up to Petridish. But since Flickr has a bandwidth limit per month, I'd go through and just select the "best" photos.

I live in a 4' x 5' room, I mean there just AREN'T that many places it could hide. Plus, my fucking laptop lid won't shut, it's dirty, the keys squeak when I type now and man, just CAN"T ANYTHING WORK?!?!

To focus on the bright side, having Flickr there is really comforting, or else everything really *would* be gone. Add in that I was smart enough to export *some* of the videos I'd taken into a non-iPhoto folder so that all the video I took isn't gone either.

Secretly, I'd been taking photos of my little green Yoshi in every place I'd been. I had photos of Yoshi with chimpanzees, and really, all over Africa.

I hadn't uploaded any of those photos because it was going to be an end-of-journey "surprise". Now, all those photos are gone.

I sort of feel like crying, or, possibly, dying. I haven't decided yet, but anyone who knows me knows how important my digital packratting memories are to me. Also, if my harddrive really is gone then I have no way to back up my current hard drive and I'm back at square one, worrying that my laptop will get stolen along with everything in it, gone forever.

Either way, today isn't a great day, and I'm not feeling particularly in love with technology whatsoever. In fact, I'm contemplating writing a very angry email to apple the first chance I get.

Would any of my Mac-savvy friends at home be willing to give poor Allure a look-over when I get home? Make sure no other bombs will go off inside him when I get back to Uganda? I'd really appreciate it. Oh, and some help fixing the &*(*&^*^ latch. I've got cleaner back in Entebbe, thankfully. Ohh! And recommendations of a photo program other than iPhoto. That'd be great.

I'm just feeling so tired and discouraged right now... Thankfully, tomorrow will be better.

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amalthya

November 2009

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