amalthya: (whingah)
There comes a point in the holiday season where you just break. I'm reminded of that Family Guy where Lois goes insane and starts telling people to shove things up their Holly Jolly butts.

It really doesn't help that everything is coinciding with the end of school, my period and what should typically be a happy time.

But I'm finding myself disillusioned. I spent so much time being away from my friends that I now find myself disconnected. And I separated myself from them in order to do better in school, which clearly was a bust.

I'm getting penalized spitefully by a particular teacher, despite my A+ presentation, he is refusing to rectify the shitty grade he gave me and I've had this goddamned French bullshit hanging over my head all semester.

I was so ready to reconnect, but it seems like everyone is missing. I criticized Fred for having such a low opinion of people, but I'm not sure why I defended them. I feel like most people have such serious strings attached to their friendships, and I'm just in no mood to even keep trying to maintain them. If they want to ditch me once I'm not giving them what they want/expect of me, then fuck them.


Additionally, I tried to hold another Secret Santa this year at Montien because last year had been so easy and fun and everyone seemed to enjoy it. But most people didn't respond, so I just cancelled it. And I'm thinking of not even going tomorrow night. I don't have the energy, honestly. If people don't want to celebrate, fuck them too.

Apologies to people who didn't incite my vitriol and are having to read it anyway.

I am feeling slightly better during the past hour when I discovered that one of my Christmas presents from Adam is a squishable penguin.

I'm also excited for the EBHS Christmas party tonight. I'm going to enjoy the night and go home and finish everything else up tonight and tomorrow during the day.

I'm thinking of just bailing on Montien tomorrow and going down to Maryland for some R&R. It may mean missing Friday night plans but I'm just feeling so unsure.

And did I mention shitty? I need to go lie down.
amalthya: (geek)
Sunday 7:47 pm

Well, I went to the Kivu Sun today and went swimming with Jungla. It was an absolutely fantastic day, and I felt confident and happy.

I did ask them if anyone found my hard drive in my room, and no one had, so I guess it really is gone. The thing is, with Stu having his laptop, satphone, and passport stolen, the hard drive was the least offensive thing that could have been stolen from me. I mean, it could have been my laptop! Or my camera! Am I sad about the photos? Yea. But the fact is that most of them are on Flickr, or petridish, or both.

I feel guilty because it was a gift, too. Considering that almost everyone I know who lives here has experienced some sort of theft, I'm going to perceive it like I got off easy.

********

In other news, I'm starting to feel the strain of being nearly-departed and having all these people that I've come to view as close acquaintances come to me with their various requests. It doesn't help that "ask" in French appears to be "demander" ... bah.

Bonane needs planks for his house

Jean Claude needs a camera

Balume's son is having his appendix out

Faustin's kids need something that was un-comprehendable to me, but well, money, for something.

Jungla wants a phone!



In the ideal world, I'd have underpants made of hundred-dollar bills that I could dole out indiscriminately to those in need. Also, because having underpants made of Benjamins would be pretty spiffy.

The fact is that I'm living on the littlest amount possible. I'm white, sure, and my concept of "little money" is a lot, but honestly, my priorities are sort of well, *white shame* buying gifts for my friends back home, and like, the occasional precious Snickers from Trameco. I have budgeted money to get gifts for certain people -- gifts I can only buy with cash... and like.. well.. gah!

It doesn't help that I get this like, rationalization. And yes, I KNOW that it's one of those dual-purpose terms here, and that it means I'm rich -- plush with cash -- but like, it doesn't make me particularly inclined when someone asks me for a favor and prefaces it with "Because you're so fat"

It sort of inspires a "fuck you, take your kid's appendix out yourself you fattist" instead of an impassioned urge to help or sacrifice [livejournal.com profile] grysar's birthday gift money.


******************
In entirely unrelated news, I'm mulling over a post about missionaries, but, totally unlike me, I'm trying to make it as non-offensive as possible because a) my opinions are clearly biased by my general skepticism and b) I know people who are religious and I respect them entirely independent of their religious leanings.

Anyway, maybe I'll finish it tonight.

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amalthya

November 2009

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