![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I've been working on the railroad...
Nov. 6th, 2002 09:44 pmSo much for productivity. Despite my best intentions to get lots of work of done today, well... it didn't happen.
Things at home have been good but terribly discouraging in general. Neither J nor I have a job and the fact that we're "living" off mommy's money is very pride-sucking. Not only that, but we're living at an entirely ghetto standard. Not in terms of our actual accomodations but our forced stinginess at Shopper's Food Warehouse and our veiny fatty chicken breasts that we buy and well, just *sigh*.
I'm always the one with the chipper tone in my voice, a lilt in my step but recently it's become so difficult just because of all this stewing GW unhappiness and total inability to commit to my schoolwork and get it done. J is feeling so down and I try *so* hard to convince him of his wonderfulness, explaining that the job market is poo and that everyone I know is having trouble getting employed. It's very easy, I'm sure, in that situation however to forget those good things about yourself that long ago, when you were naive and optimistic, you were sure employers would snatch up like a clearance at the fashion boutique.
Anyway, I decided I didn't feel like being positive this afternoon and instead groused and moogled and wasted the entire day. *sigh* Now I'm looking at an entire evening of reading, writing and crap. :\
I'm entirely contemplating not showing up for school tomorrow, but it won't solve *anything* long-term, only because it will be harder to explain to professors, etc and ramify once I am not so down.
Speaking of which, my mom was rough on me tonight when I explained to her that my grades for this semester might not be "stellar". She fucking flipped. She called later and apologized but it was difficult only because it's clear that she doesn't seem to care about my mental state, only about production! Produce Produce!
On another note, my dad has apparently been in and out of hospital facilities for the past 2 days with some sort of mysterious stomach ailment that is possibly appendicitis, but no one seems to know and I keep getting this eerie feeling that his body is just shutting down piece by piece.
Justin and I have signed on for New Year's with Dad, only because he threw the old guilt routine at us... We're spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with Mom and so we'll go to his place for New Year's, actually, to this fancy B&B in upstate New York. He's staying in the Lord Byron room and got us the Irish Rose room. We wanted "Misty Valley" because it has a hot tub for two, but he's griping that it costs extra, since he's being uncharacteristically nice and paying for us :) Still, we want a two person hot tub! *grin*
Anyway, Justin is itching to play online poker so I'll leave for now and finish my fucking bags and bags of schoolwork. Hopefully he'll stay awake and help me stay awake and help me out :) I bet he will...
Things at home have been good but terribly discouraging in general. Neither J nor I have a job and the fact that we're "living" off mommy's money is very pride-sucking. Not only that, but we're living at an entirely ghetto standard. Not in terms of our actual accomodations but our forced stinginess at Shopper's Food Warehouse and our veiny fatty chicken breasts that we buy and well, just *sigh*.
I'm always the one with the chipper tone in my voice, a lilt in my step but recently it's become so difficult just because of all this stewing GW unhappiness and total inability to commit to my schoolwork and get it done. J is feeling so down and I try *so* hard to convince him of his wonderfulness, explaining that the job market is poo and that everyone I know is having trouble getting employed. It's very easy, I'm sure, in that situation however to forget those good things about yourself that long ago, when you were naive and optimistic, you were sure employers would snatch up like a clearance at the fashion boutique.
Anyway, I decided I didn't feel like being positive this afternoon and instead groused and moogled and wasted the entire day. *sigh* Now I'm looking at an entire evening of reading, writing and crap. :\
I'm entirely contemplating not showing up for school tomorrow, but it won't solve *anything* long-term, only because it will be harder to explain to professors, etc and ramify once I am not so down.
Speaking of which, my mom was rough on me tonight when I explained to her that my grades for this semester might not be "stellar". She fucking flipped. She called later and apologized but it was difficult only because it's clear that she doesn't seem to care about my mental state, only about production! Produce Produce!
On another note, my dad has apparently been in and out of hospital facilities for the past 2 days with some sort of mysterious stomach ailment that is possibly appendicitis, but no one seems to know and I keep getting this eerie feeling that his body is just shutting down piece by piece.
Justin and I have signed on for New Year's with Dad, only because he threw the old guilt routine at us... We're spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with Mom and so we'll go to his place for New Year's, actually, to this fancy B&B in upstate New York. He's staying in the Lord Byron room and got us the Irish Rose room. We wanted "Misty Valley" because it has a hot tub for two, but he's griping that it costs extra, since he's being uncharacteristically nice and paying for us :) Still, we want a two person hot tub! *grin*
Anyway, Justin is itching to play online poker so I'll leave for now and finish my fucking bags and bags of schoolwork. Hopefully he'll stay awake and help me stay awake and help me out :) I bet he will...
