amalthya

Welcome to my Journal! I don't tag often enough to be of use, but feel free to poke around and please do comment and let me know you're here!

Most of my chimpanzee photography is no longer publicly available online, but if you'd like access to it, please email me.

Consistency is key.

Or at least, that's the "truth" I tell myself that holds friendships and life together.

But sometimes, it's the inconsistency that makes things easier. More jagged, and sometimes painful but overall, easier.

When I came back to the country, I didn't know for how long. In my mind, I'd be back in Uganda by Winter break in January. Of course, that didn't happen but it didn't mean that I didn't operate as though it would --

In the field we constantly had transitory relationships because none of us knew how long we would be in any one place, or where we would go next. It makes life easier, knowing that you don't have to make any promises.

After I didn't head to Uganda in January, I guess I started settling down a little. Call it inspiration by the people surrounding me -- rosefox and sinboy alone could have prompted me to stay in one place, but there were so many more people added to the mix -- a New York I'd previously experienced only with the volume down -- people like xoder and extraordinary renewed friendships with Charles and Yenni and infd and noranac and brand new friendships with ursus_archetype and alexsirkman.

There's always a point, though, where you still feel stifled, or unhappy. Or, in my case, Ordinary. Same old emo, same old drama, same old bullshit.

As I told blackiestark, leaving the country is the cleanest break you can get -- it answers all the questions automatically. "Of course they'd invite me to that party if I was in the country" -- or, "I'm sure that I'd get to see them more often if I wasn't so far away."

It automatically neglects the surety of mess, and hurt feelings, and confusion that is staying in one place for too long. It's my version of chasing the dragon -- trying to make everyone continually love me or want to be around me is a losing enterprise even from the getgo. People break up, feelings change, things are awkward, and nothing ever stays the same. Consistency, in that way, is a lie. It doesn't make the disappointment of change any less palpable.

I guess, too, that I like the certainty of being far away, and isolated, and not being able to depend on other people. Given other options, I do tend to cling to those around me. I enjoy knowing that they value my company. Even if it's only for a finite amount of time.

---

Part of me is astonished that I am getting to go back to Congo as soon as I am. The longer my academic career slogged on, the more sure I became that I would be relegated to stationary life for at least another few years. To have the opportunity now just fills me with purpose again. I flush talking about it, and for once, I don't feel like I need to fake interest or motivation in order to tackle my to-do list.

Which is, at this moment, incredibly long! Not only am I trying to get myself ready, but prepping Adam for what life will be like is a top priority too. And it's a strange feeling, but also a wonderful one I guess. Mostly it's the change between making a clean, full break and actually leaving someone out of the cut. It's a little scary -- Bush/Field time is so much a part of me, and part of what's really important to me. Wonder if Adam hates it? Or hates who I become in the field? Idle worries, yes. Most of me knows that Adam, who seems to get along with anyone and everyone, will have no trouble acclimating to a new climate and a new culture. It's probably scary just because it's new.

I'll keep writing here sporadically, but most of my Congo preparations are going into lifeincongo -- a blog we'll both keep while I'm gone since I'm well aware that my huge, 5 entries-at-a-time postings from the field are a bit tough for most people's FLists to handle.

And who knows? Will things be the same when I come back?

There's always consistency in the possibilities of a fresh start.

Is it just me, or is the entirety of the most recent XKCD made in tiny box form so that it can be userpic-ified?

Yes, it's been a long time

Here's a tip: When you work with monkeys, you become a monkey. An envelope-stuffing, phone-answering TEMP MONKEY.

Why am I stuffing envelopes at Temple Israel for $12/hour?

You'll have to wait until I get home and write a proper entry to know.

Wow, maybe "reunion" should be synonymous with "drunk".

But, I'm on my way down to Maryland to see Cherry Blossoms and Adam and whoever is free!

We're thinking about hitting the Cherry Blossoms tomorrow, Sunday, and we're around today if grysar or Reene are too.

Anyone have any plans?

[I'll write about the reunion at some point when gnomes aren't tapdancing in my head]

Saw this article on jinamoore's blog today:

Ivory Coast's Fetish


...I'm SO amused

(and also, moving)

I spent the majority of Saturday with Yenni in Soho and the Bowery looking for (and buying) a light fixture for my living room that didn't look like it came from a hospital ER.

And I came to realize that a) I barely spend any time downtown these days and b) downtown is not how I remember it.

Madonna made some comments earlier this week that New York had lost its buzz and while I find her personally offensive, what she said sort of rings true.

As I sat in my super trendy cafe on Spring and Lafayette, waiting for Yenni, I noticed that the cafe had STEVIA in the sugar jar. [Pretentious check-mark number one].

But as I people-watched out the window, I noticed too that no one I saw actually looked like a New Yorker. They all seemed to be obvious tourists, maps and shopping bags in hand, or people who are clearly NOT from New York but have moved to New York and are dressing/behaving how they see New Yorkers behave on TV.

And yes, this means 800 iterations of Carrie Bradshaw et al but I feel like more importantly, the spirit of what made New York, "New York" was lost. When I was in middle school/high school, what set downtown apart was that it was different, and funky. Extremes were the norm, and there was no Stella McCartney and Alexander McQueen boutique in the Meat Packing district.

It bothered me, I suppose, that none of the people I saw out the window seemed real. With their matchy-matchy outfits, and designer strollers, and enormous-insect-sunglasses, they didn't look like people who had jobs, or families, or real lives. They just looked like characters they expected to be played by on Television.

I guess all New Yorkers have had this complaint, but it does feel like what characterizes New York nowadays is not its uniqueness, but it's expense. Numerous people have pointed out that no one could live the Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle now even if they wanted to.

I think it was funnily characterized by Yenni too who said "Not even Chinese people want to go to Chinatown now."

Anyway, I still enjoy my sojourn to Montien on Thursday nights, and at least some parts of the East Village still feel like real New York. But overall, I'm coming to appreciate "upper manhattan" more and more. It may be a little rough around the edges, but no one can deny that it's real.

It'd been so long that I'd ben "gone" that when I put my glasses on today at work, my eyes felt strange and strained.

But I am back at work today, and, for all intents and purposes, things seem exactly as I left them. But I've been so far since I was last here!

I went snorkeling for the first time ever. Traveling abroad seems to me to be a lot like snorkeling. At first, breathing through this tube is foreign and difficult. You can't believe that you'll actually get air to breathe and you resist. But once you stop resisting, and breathe, and look down below you through the clear crystal water and watch the color fish weaving in and out of the reefs below, it's just incredible.

Adam and I started off for Colombia last Saturday morning, excessively early, to catch our 6 am flight to Panama City and then to Cartagena, Colombia. We took Copa Airlines up on their offer to give us vouchers for later travel if we agreed to take a later flight, though we regretted it after they barely made us to our next flight and lost Adam's reservation. Oh, and flagged us for "random search". Hi insult, meet injury. Have a free pat-down too!

But even upon arriving in Panama, I was already glad that we had come. Warm, muggy and yet still breezy, an airport full of palm trees and sun, I felt like I was back in Uganda again. It was also really nice to take off the multitude layers of sweaters, coats and rain gear that we had donned for the freezing rain that waved us goodbye in New York.

Our later flight offered us a quicker layover in Panama, and who did we run into but the Frenches (another family that is an Epworth tradition). I caught up with Mrs. French and Adam and I tried to stay awake before our next flight. I had slept the entire way to Panama but he hadn't slept at all yet.

We got to Cartagena at last, and managed to navigate our way to our secondary hotel. They were supposed to send a taxi to come and collect us to take us to the hotel we were staying at the first night, but no taxi, and we didn't even have an address! Upon arriving at the second hotel (where everyone else was staying throughout the week) we had an additional stutter start when we discovered that we had no reservations, and even worse, the hotel manager called us liars!

It was, by no means, the way I wanted to start out my vacation. But my Aunt Martha handled it wonderfully, putting us up in her rented house next door. The room, consequently, was much nicer as were the accommodations. We had a private room and a woman who fed us and washed our clothes. AND a pool! I discovered as well that I had a depth of Spanish hiding inside. Encantado!

We started off with a bang! Well, a bang and a snooze. The rehearsal dinner was held at a charming ocean-side restaurant, with live music, a cool breeze and delicious food! I even managed to say "I am a vegetarian, I don't eat meat" and they made me, specially, some grilled eggplant with Stuff. Poor Adam, exhausted from the day, fell asleep, upright, at the table, in his suit.

Had there only been some soup for him to fall into!

Sunday was another early day, when we woke up at the crack of it to go out to an island off the coast of Colombia. We arrived at our own little private beach, complete with AYCD beer, lounge chairs, sunny beaches, coconuts to drink out of and music filtering through the air from a stereo at the top end of the beach.

Oh, and a bunch of haggard-looking locals, very keen to sell us coral and pearl necklaces.

And I did, I bought some! Some as gifts, some for me. People know that I'm usually more keen on earrings than necklaces, but maybe I'll just change it up! For a little while, at least.

We also swam, and snorkeled, and the water was so salty! I was glad to have the snorkel masks to protect my eyes. It was like the beach at Fire Island, but much prettier, mostly because the water was so radiant.

I was the only light-skinned person I think NOT to get horribly sunburned, but I know by now from Gingers 101 what to do.

We literally spent ALL DAY at the beach. We went out with the other "youngins" in the posse to see other locations in the islands. We (foolishly) decided to jump off the boat and swim around. I didn't count on 1) Adam's trouble swimming in choppy water and 2) My inability to heave my ass back up into the boat without benefit of a ladder or anything else.

All loss of dignity aside, we still had an awesome time, and I'll admit that I was sad to have to go back to the mainland. Additionally, I hadn't gotten the camera to work yet so I had to contend with a day of no picture taking either!

We got back, pooped, and had more people over for more DINNER!

Dinners in Colombia are so late. It felt really strange to us that, while we were only an hour off of our regular time GMT-wise, things all seemed to start at a much later hour every day. Dinner reservations at 10:30pm shouldn't seem strange, I guess, coming from New York, but they did!

The company was nice too, seeing people I hadn't seen in years and years, though I've discovered that I'm pretty much set in my ways of Conservation Conversations. I've transitioned into a phase where, when I talk about my time in Uganda/Congo and the chimps and their outlook, it's difficult to not be depressing. And really, when you're depressing, no one wants to talk to you about it any more.

I was most glad to have Adam there. He brought a sense of levity even when I was feeling heavy with family drama. He was always eager to go with the flow, and I think, for the first time, I actually had free time that wasn't parameterized. It was not "have fun for 3 hours and then go and do X."

It was "have fun..."

The relief of that was immeasurably good. Even now, despite everyone else being the same cranky people, I feel like this weight has been lifted, and I've floated through the day. One of my coworkers said I seemed "spring-y". And I feel it too.

The wedding itself was beautiful, and we danced until past 1 am. Even though we went home early, I didn't feel like we missed anything. After the wedding was over, we had three whole days to decompress. And do more nothing. We went shopping, had lunches, tasted wines and generally relaxed as though we had no cares in the world.

Manicures and pedicures are huge in Cartagena, and roaming ladies who'll come to your house, or come to the beach, or come wherever you and your hands and feet are to pamper and paint them.

It didn't feel much like I was that far away from the US, funnily. Sure, everything was in Spanish, but isn't it like that in parts of California?

Everything was clean, and pretty, and brightly colored and full of flowers and relaxation.

Getting back to New York, Adam and I were both deluged with bullshit. Fred had done a terrible, irresponsible job taking care of the cats. My mother decided to yell at me, and Adam's mother immediately tried to guilt him into visiting. I don't know how long it'll last, but for now, even when the shit hits, (like it seems to be doing right now at work) I can just imagine being in the pool in Cartagena, or lying in the hammock with the breeze gusting through, playing sudoku on my DS.

Classes tonight, work tomorrow. You can't expect the world to pause forever.

Photos are here: Flickr Set

I'm always sort of overwhelmed when I read some of my friends' LJ entries. Overwhelmed with pride, because they are launching confidently into original/innovative endeavors, but also overwhelmed by the seemingly limitless extents of their knowledge.

And I guess the fear that runs across my mind is, how can I possibly stand among such giants? It's a beautiful thing to see, these elaborate weavings of people who are so well-versed in their crafts, and well-versed in verse itself! I could never quote a poet on the fly, a fact that has only partially caused me to review my own knowledge.

Maybe now that I have more free time, I should get back to reading? I guess I've lost focus with this post and with life but I guess I'm just impressed and feel a bit alienated by it. If only someone could banter explicitly with me about the foraging habits of the orangutan!

Merrrow.

Big Happy Birthday wishes to my dad today. He's turning 70! Belated Happy Birthday also to my Aunt Margaret and to woofa

It's been a crappy couple of weeks and I've been loathe to post because I really didn't want to chronicle my failures. "Hey, it's Laura! Taking time out of her schedule of already being behind to post some self-deprecating drivel! OMG, here's a meme!"

The cycle of shame consumed me, as I was perpetually behind and constantly owing somebody something.

This past weekend, I saw my dad for birthday bridge celebrations and he and I had a long talk about what my obligations were. We agreed that having enough time for this fantastic internship was important... I mean, they're putting me and the other intern on the website, and we might even get credit when the paper is written. That is -thrilling-.

But after going through the hours it takes me to do each class' assigment(s), class time, work time and internship time, I was clocking about 85 hours a week. I mean, no wonder I'm behind. Dammit.

Here I was at the boiling point, though. Why am I so prone to overcommit myself? And so quick to punish myself when I can't deliver? I really don't own enough spandex to be a superhero...

Anyway, everyone was breathing down my neck for late things, and I talked to my dean yesterday and he authorized me to drop two classes. Maybe three, but I need to talk to the third professor. I'm not sure yet.

Knowing that I was going to reduce my incredibly stressing workload was SUCH a relief. Last night, I stayed up just for fun. It's been ages since I did that.

Spring break starts next week, Adam and I are going away, and I just can't wait.

Now, it's classtime. Things feel better.