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I woke up this morning feeling entirely broken. Just cracked in half, and shattered enough that it actually hurt to get out of bed. It probably didn't help that I went to bed at almost 4 am and then proceeded to try to wake up at 5:30 am.
Bah.
Oh, and my excellent plan to maintain my relationship... be a morning crab AND yell at justin when he didn't want to drive me to the Metro! I think that there are so many underlying layers of onion here that it's hard to peel them all off.
But, what I think it was was just a real world example.
The hill leading up to the metro is incredibly steep. It's that kind of steep where those muscles right under the curve of your butt are burning, you know? Anyway, Justin has never once walked up this hill. Well, maybe he did like, at the end of August but if so, the pain under his butt flickered out. So he's telling me that when he's working, he's going to walk up that hill everyday too. And I feel like saying "Bullshit" ... actually, if I recall correctly, I did say "Bullshit" :) Because I'm sure after 3 days, actually, probably 2, he's gonna start driving up to the Metro. The hill just has powers like that. But as I'm on the metro, trying to warm myself up after my trek up the hill and relax my butt muscles, I'm realizing that I'm not really mad that I didn't get a ride, because, in all honesty, I kinda knew I wasn't once he started running the bath, but that this just exemplies the feelings that I have that he really has no idea what I do to keep the family going.
For example. It takes an *incredible* amount of willpower even just to get out of bed and get to the Metro and ride for 45 minutes-1 hour to get to a school where I feel entirely undervalued, overqualified and underappreciated.
Secondly, before last night, at least 3 or 4 times a week, I had to ply my mother with caring and compliments over the phone, IM and email to keep her happy. At least 5 times since we've moved, I've had to listen to her berate me and take it because we needed money and once again, I needed to keep her happy to get it.
While he slept last night, I cleaned. On Saturdays when he's at Dreamwizards, it's my laundry day. And it's not that I necessarily mind all of these things. But I feel like I can't even bring it up that they might sometimes go unappreciated or be sucky because I do like living in DC and I want it to work and I want to stay here; but since mostly what I do is gripe or moogle, and he already thinks that us coming here was a mistake, which I disagree with, so *sigh* ... I don't want him to draw false conclusions. I just want some damned acknowledgement of the things I do ;)
...Including walking up that hill everyday ...
Bah.
Oh, and my excellent plan to maintain my relationship... be a morning crab AND yell at justin when he didn't want to drive me to the Metro! I think that there are so many underlying layers of onion here that it's hard to peel them all off.
But, what I think it was was just a real world example.
The hill leading up to the metro is incredibly steep. It's that kind of steep where those muscles right under the curve of your butt are burning, you know? Anyway, Justin has never once walked up this hill. Well, maybe he did like, at the end of August but if so, the pain under his butt flickered out. So he's telling me that when he's working, he's going to walk up that hill everyday too. And I feel like saying "Bullshit" ... actually, if I recall correctly, I did say "Bullshit" :) Because I'm sure after 3 days, actually, probably 2, he's gonna start driving up to the Metro. The hill just has powers like that. But as I'm on the metro, trying to warm myself up after my trek up the hill and relax my butt muscles, I'm realizing that I'm not really mad that I didn't get a ride, because, in all honesty, I kinda knew I wasn't once he started running the bath, but that this just exemplies the feelings that I have that he really has no idea what I do to keep the family going.
For example. It takes an *incredible* amount of willpower even just to get out of bed and get to the Metro and ride for 45 minutes-1 hour to get to a school where I feel entirely undervalued, overqualified and underappreciated.
Secondly, before last night, at least 3 or 4 times a week, I had to ply my mother with caring and compliments over the phone, IM and email to keep her happy. At least 5 times since we've moved, I've had to listen to her berate me and take it because we needed money and once again, I needed to keep her happy to get it.
While he slept last night, I cleaned. On Saturdays when he's at Dreamwizards, it's my laundry day. And it's not that I necessarily mind all of these things. But I feel like I can't even bring it up that they might sometimes go unappreciated or be sucky because I do like living in DC and I want it to work and I want to stay here; but since mostly what I do is gripe or moogle, and he already thinks that us coming here was a mistake, which I disagree with, so *sigh* ... I don't want him to draw false conclusions. I just want some damned acknowledgement of the things I do ;)
...Including walking up that hill everyday ...
