Strange Goodbyes
Mar. 22nd, 2006 05:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amalthyaSunday 3:46 pm
I'm sort of glad that I had my mental "goodbye" yesterday evening, because the new day of Sunday feels so strange, having a third person here.
The chimps seem to be responding too. I'm a snuggle mother -- calm, relaxed, grooming -- and I don't really play hard and rough with them -- I'd prefer if they played with each other. Not only does it save me potentially lost fingers and thumbs, but I feel like it's a more natural interaction for them.
Liz is wonderful with the chimps, but her approach is much more of a rough and tumble playing one. I'm obviously not sure if the chimps reflect that change in their behavior, but yesterday, Etaito had tons of calm moments where he'd come to me for some grooming.
Today, though, he's on a tear and I've received more bites today than I have in the last two months. Hard ones too. My normal tactics of hooting to show that it's hurting isn't working either. He's so angry. Does he know?
If anything it's making it easier to go, but at the same time it makes me slightly reminiscent for the time when it was "just us" and I didn't feel so out on a limb.
... So to speak.
Liz and I had a nice lunch at the Hotel Nyira. My dad called with Skype and finalized things for his trip here -- Wednesday!!
Anyway, it does feel like I'm "handing over" today and I almost just wish that it went faster.
I've also talked tons with Liz about "the life" out here, and seeing her intensity and self-started projects and disinterest in any sort of "real" life (whatever that really is) makes me wonder whether, for the long term, if this is what I really want.
Sure, Delphine had a Brad. Rita has a Jeremie. But 90% of the other people out here have absolutely sacrificed love, family, children, to live this path. Maybe it's my incredible love for the chimps, but uh, I really know that I want children (I almost just wrote "chimps" ... hehe)
And a family. I don't have this intense push to save everything, or everyone, or initiate projects on my own. Do I absolutely love being here, and making a difference? Yes. Without a doubt.
Either way, this last week has been really illuminating. And now, it really is time to go.
I'm sort of glad that I had my mental "goodbye" yesterday evening, because the new day of Sunday feels so strange, having a third person here.
The chimps seem to be responding too. I'm a snuggle mother -- calm, relaxed, grooming -- and I don't really play hard and rough with them -- I'd prefer if they played with each other. Not only does it save me potentially lost fingers and thumbs, but I feel like it's a more natural interaction for them.
Liz is wonderful with the chimps, but her approach is much more of a rough and tumble playing one. I'm obviously not sure if the chimps reflect that change in their behavior, but yesterday, Etaito had tons of calm moments where he'd come to me for some grooming.
Today, though, he's on a tear and I've received more bites today than I have in the last two months. Hard ones too. My normal tactics of hooting to show that it's hurting isn't working either. He's so angry. Does he know?
If anything it's making it easier to go, but at the same time it makes me slightly reminiscent for the time when it was "just us" and I didn't feel so out on a limb.
... So to speak.
Liz and I had a nice lunch at the Hotel Nyira. My dad called with Skype and finalized things for his trip here -- Wednesday!!
Anyway, it does feel like I'm "handing over" today and I almost just wish that it went faster.
I've also talked tons with Liz about "the life" out here, and seeing her intensity and self-started projects and disinterest in any sort of "real" life (whatever that really is) makes me wonder whether, for the long term, if this is what I really want.
Sure, Delphine had a Brad. Rita has a Jeremie. But 90% of the other people out here have absolutely sacrificed love, family, children, to live this path. Maybe it's my incredible love for the chimps, but uh, I really know that I want children (I almost just wrote "chimps" ... hehe)
And a family. I don't have this intense push to save everything, or everyone, or initiate projects on my own. Do I absolutely love being here, and making a difference? Yes. Without a doubt.
Either way, this last week has been really illuminating. And now, it really is time to go.
