Feb. 11th, 2008

amalthya: (top of the world)
Things are moving forward, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.  I talked to a former Chapin girl over lunch last week and she expressed her urge to get into grad school,  and how she loves her boyfriend but would be willing to cut him loose if he got in the way of her career goals.

It forces me to look at my life, and wonder if, as [profile] pattiejoesurmised, I'm on some sort of errant path. I don't feel motivated at this point.  I wouldn't be willing to give up my friends and especially Adam if they got in the way of things I want to do.

And yes, I struggle immensely with chemistry.  But it doesn't cause me to want to work harder at it.  I'm coasting, but toward what end I'm not sure.

I think I've been feeling particularly off my game since I moved.  I'm sort of half-moved-in, half-unpacked, and, as Dan and Chris can attest, a good deal of my stuff is still at the other apartment.  Adam and I intended to go and get it this past Sunday, but were deterred by the Freak-Out-Of-Nowhere blizzard.  

But even worse is the fact that I haven't unpacked my shoes or bags, and 90% of my clothes are at one of THREE laundromats I've patronized during the past month, but I have nothing to put on my body, my feet or to schlep my shit.

And really, it makes it especially hard to feel settled, and centered, and study-ish.

Adam and I were productive this past weekend, though.  We moved TVs, cable setups, and got everything reconnected and turned the couch.  I still need to unpack tubs and put up shelves and find a place for all of the miscellaneous chatchkies I seem to accrue.  What does one even do to store all of these things?

Is it the newly wintered weather that's causing my malaise?  I'm finding it harder and harder to stick to time plans that I make for myself, and getting out of bed has never been so challenging.  And I'm getting behind.

How do I thwart this perpetual snowball effect?

No snow puns intended, but I can't remember the last time I felt so adrift. 


***EDIT:  I should mention too that I managed to prevent myself from having a nervous breakdown last night when my laptop, whose hard drive was JUST replaced, started acting funny in a pre-death-rattle sort of way.  I'm heading to the Genius Bar tonight, but it's just one more thing that I'd prefer not to have to deal with right now.

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amalthya

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