(no subject)

I keep myself going by looking forward to things. The Canterbury Picnic is next week, as well as Father's Day and our double date to Great Adventure. I'm scared that Justin will tell his Mom on Thursday night that he'll be gone for the whole weekend, and she'll say no. Then my whole summer (practically at least) would be ruined. I even have my outfit planned. I was thinking all last night as I couldn't sleep that I should quit Rita's -- that somehow the fact that she'd had all those negative sentiments about me not giving her messages and not getting anything done all inside -- it makes me want to stop trying since my general feeling is that I do anything she wants whenever she wants it. I mean, she says it's not venting from the whole thing with her parents, but that's the only excuse that makes it even semi-acceptable to treat me like that.

God, If I sell Lucia's apartment today, I will be so overjoyed. Justin was in Montreal yesterday -- I guess he's still there. I dressed up today, and I have ankles -- and a waist. My weight loss is becoming apparent to the naked eye, which couldn't please me more. I find myself very -- not aroused per sé, but ... jetted by scantily clad women on TV. Not because I think they're so wonderful, but because I can imagine myself looking like that - and being able to wear those clothes, and be able to be ... COVETED.

It doesn't mean that anything would change. I would love Justin more -- just because I attribute his influence in helping me to find to strength to do this. But it would be nice -- look but don't touch..

Ugh. Open House almost over. My Birkenstocks are coming in the mail tomorrow -- 3 pairs. Floridas, Granadas and Bali's. I hope they sent the Regular, and not the narrow. I DID send them 3 emails to correct it, after all. Ugh. It is so warm in this open house. I should turn on the A/C.