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Jun. 19th, 2000 04:44 amSo things didn't go exactly as I'd planned for this past weekend, save for my prediction about Jarry and Lambo embarrassing us (me) at the picnic.
But overall, I had a really wonderful time. Justin took me out to dinner and Time Cafe on Friday which was so nice and although he has plans to study abroad next summer, I feel almost entirely OK with that. I'm thinking maybe even of going traveling myself. I realize I share his urge to learn new cultures -- As I'm thinking about it now, I'd really like to go to Africa and do an intensive gorilla study. It's just an extension of my want to do an internship at the Bronx Zoo - Congo Gorilla Forest. I'm also learning that a relationship can be OK apart. It seems in our case, that not only have things not really changed, they seem to have gotten better. We learn to appreciate each other more, or at least it felt like it after dinner and the lovely bouquet of flowers. Justin and I also had a nice talk in regards to him reading this diary -- that somehow, even after all this time, he still feels insecure enough to "break in" and read my thoughts. I tried toe explain to him the fascination with mulling over past experiences in my life. That writing about Zvi now doesn't mean I'm thinking about him now.
But what I have to realize is that I can tell Justin a million times how often he's in my thoughts and how happy he makes me, but his self confidence is not going to grow until he lets it.
I was slightly upset with him yesterday at Great Adventure when he got tired and grouchy and pissy. But I realized it was a trial -- because as we laughed about it that night I realized how strong our bond was. Cause boy, was I pissed.
Who'd ever think I could laugh about it later that night? I realize, in a relationship, not only is it invaluable, but very rare. It's something I hope we never lose. I had this really weird dream on Saturday night -- I was at this outdoor cafe, and I think, but I'm not sure, that I was with John Liszewski. And John Young is sitting at the bar, and he sees me, and he's staring, and although I can se him, seeing me out of the corner of my eye, I don't want to look at him and acknowledge his stare.
And John mentions John Y is staring so I finally glance, but he doesn't turn away. He's wearing a blue oxford shirt and khaki pants. And he comes over to our table, and I don't know how it's mentioned, but that he's getting married to -- I don't exactly remember but I think it's some kind of Arabian Princess because I remember thinking "GOD, how'd he meet her?!" and "what'll he do about his princely/royal duties." And I remember I'm pissed, because he's swimming in this pool upstairs that I'm going to already and somehow I can't help NOT going so I remember tromping off to the pool and throwing my towel over my shoulder angrily. And he's in the same lane as me and I'm swimming very vigorously from anger. And somehow we're both in the center of the lane, not collided but stopped and treading water, and our faces are very close, and it's making me uncomfortable. And he's moving cloesr to me and I can feel his breath on my face, and my mind is racing because I don't know what he's doing or thinking and I thought he was getting married! But he's just kissing me right NEXT to my mouth and while I wonder if he's trying to seduce me back I really don't remember liking it. It made me feel weird, and sort of cheap, and I remember thinking about Justin.
My stop.
But overall, I had a really wonderful time. Justin took me out to dinner and Time Cafe on Friday which was so nice and although he has plans to study abroad next summer, I feel almost entirely OK with that. I'm thinking maybe even of going traveling myself. I realize I share his urge to learn new cultures -- As I'm thinking about it now, I'd really like to go to Africa and do an intensive gorilla study. It's just an extension of my want to do an internship at the Bronx Zoo - Congo Gorilla Forest. I'm also learning that a relationship can be OK apart. It seems in our case, that not only have things not really changed, they seem to have gotten better. We learn to appreciate each other more, or at least it felt like it after dinner and the lovely bouquet of flowers. Justin and I also had a nice talk in regards to him reading this diary -- that somehow, even after all this time, he still feels insecure enough to "break in" and read my thoughts. I tried toe explain to him the fascination with mulling over past experiences in my life. That writing about Zvi now doesn't mean I'm thinking about him now.
But what I have to realize is that I can tell Justin a million times how often he's in my thoughts and how happy he makes me, but his self confidence is not going to grow until he lets it.
I was slightly upset with him yesterday at Great Adventure when he got tired and grouchy and pissy. But I realized it was a trial -- because as we laughed about it that night I realized how strong our bond was. Cause boy, was I pissed.
Who'd ever think I could laugh about it later that night? I realize, in a relationship, not only is it invaluable, but very rare. It's something I hope we never lose. I had this really weird dream on Saturday night -- I was at this outdoor cafe, and I think, but I'm not sure, that I was with John Liszewski. And John Young is sitting at the bar, and he sees me, and he's staring, and although I can se him, seeing me out of the corner of my eye, I don't want to look at him and acknowledge his stare.
And John mentions John Y is staring so I finally glance, but he doesn't turn away. He's wearing a blue oxford shirt and khaki pants. And he comes over to our table, and I don't know how it's mentioned, but that he's getting married to -- I don't exactly remember but I think it's some kind of Arabian Princess because I remember thinking "GOD, how'd he meet her?!" and "what'll he do about his princely/royal duties." And I remember I'm pissed, because he's swimming in this pool upstairs that I'm going to already and somehow I can't help NOT going so I remember tromping off to the pool and throwing my towel over my shoulder angrily. And he's in the same lane as me and I'm swimming very vigorously from anger. And somehow we're both in the center of the lane, not collided but stopped and treading water, and our faces are very close, and it's making me uncomfortable. And he's moving cloesr to me and I can feel his breath on my face, and my mind is racing because I don't know what he's doing or thinking and I thought he was getting married! But he's just kissing me right NEXT to my mouth and while I wonder if he's trying to seduce me back I really don't remember liking it. It made me feel weird, and sort of cheap, and I remember thinking about Justin.
My stop.
