amalthya

I've been in this Starbucks in Union Square ad nauseum of late, mostly because it's close to my chemistry tutor's house and well, I guess it's just our meeting place.

Someone asked me how in the world I find it possible to study in a Starbucks, but you'd be surprised sometimes at how quiet it is, though never tranquil. A good percentage of people there are quiet, working on their laptops. Or Warcrafting, apparently. At Starbucks. Those aren't even the weirdoes I'm referring to!

It feels like Tales from the Q2 bus again, because there are all these regular characters who seem to be at the Union Square East Starbucks no matter what time it is.

• Rangers Jacket Guy
  This guy probably seems the cleanest and less hobo-esque of the weirdoes at USEStarbucks. He has two different cellphones, and his routine seems to be going in, sitting at someone's table who is near the wall and an outlet, and plugging one of the two in while he plays java games on his other phone. I've never actually seen him make a phonecall or actually do anything other than play games, though, or wear a different pair of trousers or different jacket. In 4 times of going to USEStarbucks, I've seen him 3 times. He also never orders coffee.
  
  
• Can I Have a Quarter Man
  This guy has come into the USEStarbucks every single time I've been there. He looks sort of like a professor at a liberal arts college. He wears a tweed jacket with leather elbows and a blue scarf. He systematically goes to every single table and asks for 1 quarter. He didn't want my dime. He doesn't even seem homeless, but I wonder if he goes to every Starbucks in the area to beg, and how much money does he get?
  
  
• The Would-Be Physicist
  An older woman asked to share our tutoring table about a week ago, and I can only describe her as one of those New York Phyllis Dillers with a characteristically stretched face. I told her she was welcome to come and sit, provided she didn't mind listening to a whole bunch of chemistry. She said she didn't, and sat down. After 10 minutes, she interjected [Shut up I'm paying by the hour, dammit] and asked if we were doing physics. No, we replied, Chemistry. She then launched into this long, complicated and probably fictitious story about how she is a would-be physicist although she has had no training or education whatsoever, but that she has had a one year email conversation with Stephen Hawking regarding a paper she sent him that he is encouraging her to publish scientifically (with the help of a legitimate scientist, of course). She goes on and on and on, until finally my tutor is forced to rudely interrupt her and tell her that we have a lot of work to do, but thanks for the input.
  
  
• The Human DJ
  This guy I've only seen once, but he seemed to be entirely amused to sit at a table and spin imaginary records for hours on end. Literally. Hours. He was really two-handing it too. Very active. Dangerous in a room full of precariously balanced yuppies and their very hot coffees. He interspersed it with talking to the Warcrafter sitting at the same table, who clearly seemed uncomfortable but was mid-quest and didn't seem to feel like moving away. The Human DJ also seemed to have some sort of DVD player in his bag that he pulled out and watched from time to time. Maybe as inspiration for additional DJing? He also had no coffee, or coffee-like beverages.
  
  
  
• The Coffee-Drinking Clown
  Man, dressed as a full clown (shoes, wig, facepaint, nose), waiting for a Quad Espresso. And you thought he was lively because he was a clown.
  
  
• The Wrench Man
  I'm perfectly content to have only seen this man once, because he scared the living crap out of me. He came into the USEStarbucks, yelling incoherently at someone on the street. He came in, probably to use the bathroom (this Starbucks has a door right by the bathroom and seems to be the preferred destination for Union Square East Hobos Who Need to Pee). As he came out, he verbally accosted these two slight-looking blond girls who were buying shoes on an iMac. He pulled a red wrench from his coat and started shaking it, more like a palsy than a menace, but menacing just the same.
  
  The girls were clearly afraid, and a Starbucks employee came over to save them in his Green Smock of Triumph -- unfortunately, The Wrench Man was having none of it, started to yell loudly and shake his wrench more ferociously at the Smocked-Saviour. The Wrench Man did leave shortly afterwards, but I think that everyone in the Starbucks was sort of shaken up.
  
  

Anyway, I will make sure to add new weirdoes to the pile as they emerge, which I'm absolutely sure they will. It's things like this that make you sort of appreciate New York! If only New York would keep its wrench to itself, though...