Not the Best

Wednesday 11:41 pm

Last night at the Chateau Chimpanzee, I wasn't sure why, but I lay in my bed and I cried. I'd been having such a good week, well, at least Sunday was good, but I found myself so suddenly annoyed and upset and lonely and unhappy.

Yes, okay, I was also hormonal -- another reminder that I've been here for more than 2 months... but I think now, in retrospect, that I was somehow tuned in to what a bad day today would be.

It started off alright, and I went and played with the chimpanzees while I tried the iPhoto Library restore that had been suggested in macosx.

I came back, and it had finally finished. I opened up iPhoto and it told me I had only 4,667 photos.

Uuuh.. what? I'd previously had 9-thousand something.

So I check... and the latest DATE showing is JULY 1st, 2005.

Uhhh... again, whhhat!?

I manually open the iPhoto Library folder and drag the stuff I want into iPhoto, and it gives me some weird error.

I open one of the subfolders, and as I open it, I notice photos disappearing. Like, I can see it happening.

I start to panic, but am somewhat reassured that, right after my iPhoto library died, I backed everything up to my external harddrive that I got for Christmas.

I look to the side of my bed for the harddrive and it's not there. I look a few more places, and well, I still can't find it.

The short story is that I can't find it. There are only a few explanations to this conundrum:

1. Although I can't remember doing it, I brought it with me to Gisenyi on Sunday, put it into my basket and it got stolen as I walked there. Of course, if I *did* bring it, it would have been deep in my big basket and someone would have had to dig in there to find it, something I think I would have felt...
   
   Additionally, I carried the bag with two arms in front of me for the last 3-4ths of the walk because it was damned heavy and my arms were getting tired holding it just by the handles. So, it could have only been stolen at the first roundabout.
   
   
2. I brought it with me to Gisenyi and left it in the hotel? I always check my stuff before I leave, I didn't see it, and I can't imagine doing this either. I'll check with the hotel regardless.
   
   
3. I left it here and someone stole it, even though my room is locked, I have the only keys and they were with me.
   
   
4. It's actually here, although I have looked on every surface, every shelf, taken my bed apart, moved everything and checked everywhere.
   
   
5. I'd left it by the door and the chimpanzees reached under it and snatched it.
   
   
6. The boogeyman is trying to RUIN my life.

I'll admit that it's so lame and pathetic but I cried and hyperventilated. Essentially it means that every photo I've ever taken in Africa is (sort of) gone. Of course, all my Flickr pictures are there, but to be honest, they were only maybe 30% of the photos I took each week.

Additionally, all of the photos that were taken during July -- the goodbye bowling, the going-away party -- they're all gone too.

The kicker? The thumbnails are all still there. I still have the high-res version of the life poster, so I could get those photos. Along with the prints I've had already made. But I have these little 180 x 240 mini-sized memories of the last 9 months of my life. Which really just isn't acceptable.

What's so frustrating is that I don't remember taking the hard drive with me. Like, I never take it anywhere because I keep it and the computer separated in case someone were to steal the computer. I might have taken it BECAUSE of the iPhoto library problem and because I might have thought I'd need the backup.

I really want to believe the drive is somewhere here, or at the hotel, and that it's not just a totally absolutely hopeless cause. Not only was the drive (I'm sure) expensive, but the photos on it are irreplaceable. I'm also frustrated because I specifically asked in the macosx community if doing an iPhoto library restore would put the photos in the folder currently at risk. They told me IT WOULD BE OKAY. Why didn't iPhoto take the 2005-2006 photos? You've got me. It certainly leads me to believe that perhaps #6 is not such a ridiculous option -- I mean, who but the boogeyman could be this spiteful?

Especially since before I came to Entebbe I wouldn't have even filtered albums before uploading them, cause I was just zipping up to Petridish. But since Flickr has a bandwidth limit per month, I'd go through and just select the "best" photos.

I live in a 4' x 5' room, I mean there just AREN'T that many places it could hide. Plus, my fucking laptop lid won't shut, it's dirty, the keys squeak when I type now and man, just CAN"T ANYTHING WORK?!?!

To focus on the bright side, having Flickr there is really comforting, or else everything really *would* be gone. Add in that I was smart enough to export *some* of the videos I'd taken into a non-iPhoto folder so that all the video I took isn't gone either.

Secretly, I'd been taking photos of my little green Yoshi in every place I'd been. I had photos of Yoshi with chimpanzees, and really, all over Africa.

I hadn't uploaded any of those photos because it was going to be an end-of-journey "surprise". Now, all those photos are gone.

I sort of feel like crying, or, possibly, dying. I haven't decided yet, but anyone who knows me knows how important my digital packratting memories are to me. Also, if my harddrive really is gone then I have no way to back up my current hard drive and I'm back at square one, worrying that my laptop will get stolen along with everything in it, gone forever.

Either way, today isn't a great day, and I'm not feeling particularly in love with technology whatsoever. In fact, I'm contemplating writing a very angry email to apple the first chance I get.

Would any of my Mac-savvy friends at home be willing to give poor Allure a look-over when I get home? Make sure no other bombs will go off inside him when I get back to Uganda? I'd really appreciate it. Oh, and some help fixing the &*(*&^*^ latch. I've got cleaner back in Entebbe, thankfully. Ohh! And recommendations of a photo program other than iPhoto. That'd be great.

I'm just feeling so tired and discouraged right now... Thankfully, tomorrow will be better.

Chimpanzee Culture

Thursday 10:46 am

It sort of amazing to think but this morning, Okeysha took some wire trash she found on the ground and started termite-fishing in this hole in the side of the Chateau Chimpanzee.

What's amazing about it is that chimpanzees have culture that's totally specific to each individual group, and it's taught from mother to daughter and what-not. I wondered as I watched her who had taught Okeysha, if anyone at all. It was just awesome to see those things that seem so flat in a book acting themselves out in real life.

I spent the majority of yesterday in my room sulking and feeling upset. I watched DVDs and did needlepoint, convincing myself that having those good needlepointing brainwaves would make me feel better. And they did.

Today feels much better, along with hope that all isn't lost and that perhaps I'll find the hard drive yet. I went out this morning and took tons more photos and video too... I guess I realized how fleeting this experience is and how much capturing it indelibly means to me.

I'm still using iPhoto, warily. I'm not ever going to trust it again, and well, "magically" I suddenly have 5 GB more free on my harddrive. Fah.

I've now got photos of my wedding dress fabric, which is good. I'll put those up, and I think I'll head to the office on Sunday instead of Monday since I think people will arrive Monday night-ish. Or probably Tuesday morning.

Either way, I'm feeling much improved. Thanks for asking.

When You Can't Beat Them, Wait Until They Fall Asleep

Thursday 11:50 pm

Why am I up so late you may ask? Well, in trying to paint the other house today, I discovered that just maybe I should have waited until after I painted to take out the windows.

Long story short: It was a big failure.

So, I waited tonight until the chimps fell asleep to go in and surreptitiously paint. I'm sort of exhausted now, mostly because I painted in a big damned hurry.

I also discovered as I was re-creating my albums and Favorites that iPhoto arbitrarily left certain photos in the folders, but didn't actually import them. It meant that I had to go through each individual folder and essentially re-upload. Looking back on it, the reason I did this whole fancy "Restore Library" thing was because I was trying to avoid that, because I'm lazy. And, well, I can't say that I don't wish I'd just done it that way from the start.

Kanabiro is so willful when it comes to falling asleep. She doesn't play as hard as the other kids, and I guess she just has more energy, but she refused to go to sleep tonight until about 10:30 pm. Funnily, when she finally WAS tired, she just flopped onto the bed with this sort of high pitched wheeze/sigh and just snored where she landed. I tried not to laugh too loudly for fear I'd wake her up.

Lovely Day

Friday 2:53 pm

I decided today that if I really didn't want matoke that I'd just go and walk to the Lebanese restaurant. Plus, despite my alleged robbed-ness, I do actually really enjoy taking walks on my own.

As it's the rainy season, there is also a shortage of beautiful sunny days. And wow, today was both.

Mohammed, the Lebanese restaurant owner, was wear a blindingly banana-yellow-colored fabric suit, but it was nice that he came over to talk to me and really, just to have someone to talk to. I've started reading a new book this week, An Instant In the Wind by André Brink, and it's about this woman in the bush of Africa.

There was a line that struck me, because it felt like it hit very close to home for me.

This no one can take away from us, not even ourselves

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Since I've taken to painting at night, it leaves the days free to spend time with the chimps and make up for the photos I "lost". I've already gotten my requisite injuries for the day -- I was in the chair, right leg over left. Etaito was on a bandit spree this morning, determined to bite everyone and everything. He jumped up onto my lap, teeth bared, and I leaned right to avoid his chomp.

Well, plastic chairs on uneven volcanic ground aren't known for their stability, and over the chair went with me in it. I landed on a root and luckily missed the more jagged rocks, but it did scare Etaito and he clutched me, forgetting for a minute that I was fun to chew.

Edit 3:52 pm: I've just uploaded my photos and video to the computer and discovered, quite humorously, that I was taking video when Etaito jumped me and my chair fell over. I'm sure people will get a good laugh when I upload THAT on Sunday. Tee hee!!

Further Edit -- Monday at 3:06 am The video is here

It's hard not to anthropomorphize it all. I feel like I know these chimpanzees so individually that when they have their little interactions, my brain just transforms it automatically.

I sat at the edge of the "porch" this afternoon with Etaito on my lap. Faustin was to my left, and the "drop" between the two houses to my right. Kanabiro was in the drop,and when Faustin got up, she rushed to go past my lap and get to him. Etaito thought that she was trying to bogart his spot on my lap, and bit her on the head everytime she tried to jump up. She had no way of going around, and, to her, Faustin was just leaving and she was unable to follow.

He finally got curious himself about what Faustin was doing and got up, going left. Kanabiro jumped up, ran past me and smacked Etaito hard.

"How dare you keep me from my 'mommy'!"

Etaito bit her on the back, more fiercely than usual.

"I'll do what I want, biznatch. I'm da man!!"

Kanabiro screamed really loudly, a specific whatever-you're-doing-is-the-kind-of-play-that-ends-in-a-cry-and-is-not-cool sort of chimpanzee vocalization.

"God! Why are you always such a JERK?! I hate you! You're the worst chimpanzee ever!!!"

Etaito suddenly stopped biting her and hooted quietly, his eyes softening simultaneously. He embraced Kanabiro really tightly and clutched her on the floor in a bearhug.

"I'm sorry, babe. Sometimes I don't know my own strength. Friends again?"

... Okay, so I've taken some liberties, but seriously, it's hard not to just go with the flow while you're watching the whole thing unfold.

I know I talk too about chimpanzee facial expressions a lot, but it's just all the more special because chimpanzees can make so many more expressions. Their upper lips aren't attached to their gums like ours are, so the lip-movements they make are that much more exaggerated and almost caricature-esque.

Etaito was falling asleep, and he clutched his feet to his chest sort of like I sometimes do. He was a furry little pretzel. His muscles relaxed as he fell into a deep sleep, and, as it would happen, his arms released his legs and they fell, spread-eagle. He awoke with a start. "Ahh!? Where are my legs?!"

He realized that they were just off to the side, pulled them in again, and went back to sleep. It was really just so funny. They finally did fall to the sides again and by then, he was too fast asleep to notice. So it just slept, in a furry "V" shape, a little grin on his lips as he twitched in dream.

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I'm realizing too how little time I'll have in Uganda before my dad and Ruth get there. If Debby comes the 13th, stays 5 days so I can hand things over to Liz, then that's the 18th, head back to Uganda, the 19th, then my dad and Ruth arrive the 22nd!!

I'll have to schedule my Beauty Tips Trip ASAP!

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Friday 8:07 pm

It's really bad when a bug is so enormous that you can hear it scuttling around....


ee!!


Update: Here is the photo.

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Sunday 7:03 am

It's a fine day, Sunday. And that's not because there's no post on Sunday, but it's because there're no drums on Sunday.

In a way I'm lucky that it's a church next door and not a mosque -- mosques begin their morning services at 4:30 am instead of 5:30 am.

Last night, as per usual, we had a power outtage and even though it was 8 pm and I usually retreat into my room, I went out onto the "porch" and just sat in the absolute, total darkness. The low rumble of the generator for the huge antenna tower next door hummed into the night, but other than that, it was just complete dark.

I'd brought my little Energizer lantern but decided to turn it off. It was also attracting bugs.

And, on the cold cement of the porch, I just stretch and breathed in the cold mountain air. I don't usually notice all of the sounds of the night, but I was hyper-aware since I could barely see 2 feet in front of me. If I squinted, I could make out the silhouettes of the trees, dark against the sky. The sky seemed enormous, too.

I couldn't see the road, or the rocks, and the wall of the compound blocked most of the headlights from the passing cars, and I sort of felt like I was in the middle of the wilderness..

... with a generator, of course. I felt so free, and the cold air made my skin all tingly, and really, it was sort of incredible.

When the power came back on as I sat outside, it was almost disappointing. I got out of my funny Pilates posture and greeted Faustin and Mwacca, the guard. Their radio came back on, and suddenly the night air was cluttered with static and singing.

People cheered in a nearby bar and the night was alive with city noise again.

And I went back inside, into my room and to my computer.

Favors for Friends

Sunday 7:47 pm

Well, I went to the Kivu Sun today and went swimming with Jungla. It was an absolutely fantastic day, and I felt confident and happy.

I did ask them if anyone found my hard drive in my room, and no one had, so I guess it really is gone. The thing is, with Stu having his laptop, satphone, and passport stolen, the hard drive was the least offensive thing that could have been stolen from me. I mean, it could have been my laptop! Or my camera! Am I sad about the photos? Yea. But the fact is that most of them are on Flickr, or petridish, or both.

I feel guilty because it was a gift, too. Considering that almost everyone I know who lives here has experienced some sort of theft, I'm going to perceive it like I got off easy.

********

In other news, I'm starting to feel the strain of being nearly-departed and having all these people that I've come to view as close acquaintances come to me with their various requests. It doesn't help that "ask" in French appears to be "demander" ... bah.

Bonane needs planks for his house

Jean Claude needs a camera

Balume's son is having his appendix out

Faustin's kids need something that was un-comprehendable to me, but well, money, for something.

Jungla wants a phone!

In the ideal world, I'd have underpants made of hundred-dollar bills that I could dole out indiscriminately to those in need. Also, because having underpants made of Benjamins would be pretty spiffy.

The fact is that I'm living on the littlest amount possible. I'm white, sure, and my concept of "little money" is a lot, but honestly, my priorities are sort of well, *white shame* buying gifts for my friends back home, and like, the occasional precious Snickers from Trameco. I have budgeted money to get gifts for certain people -- gifts I can only buy with cash... and like.. well.. gah!

It doesn't help that I get this like, rationalization. And yes, I KNOW that it's one of those dual-purpose terms here, and that it means I'm rich -- plush with cash -- but like, it doesn't make me particularly inclined when someone asks me for a favor and prefaces it with "Because you're so fat"

It sort of inspires a "fuck you, take your kid's appendix out yourself you fattist" instead of an impassioned urge to help or sacrifice grysar's birthday gift money.


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In entirely unrelated news, I'm mulling over a post about missionaries, but, totally unlike me, I'm trying to make it as non-offensive as possible because a) my opinions are clearly biased by my general skepticism and b) I know people who are religious and I respect them entirely independent of their religious leanings.

Anyway, maybe I'll finish it tonight.